some of us have to leave things, habits and places in order to grow.

May it be, the home you have grown up in. May it be the people you have cherished all your life.

For me, I have done my fair share of letting go and i know it’s not easy. Habitual acts are by far the hardest. For example, I USED TO, that’s a past tense; sign on roleplay or myspace on a daily basis. Now, I don’t. I’ve learned to let it go.

I know deep within me that if I have not let this thing go, I would NEVER make it this far in everything—In life.

I needed to free myself from MY comfort zone in order to grow and go places in my life. I slowly learned to stop being on myspace (though that was REALLY hard at first), I slowly learned to even let go of my roleplay twitter. Now, I say goodbye to my roleplay tumblr. I know, I know. I have written about life and changing yet I am only saying good bye to this account. People who do not like to write and express their love for blogging won’t understand, of course. Yet for those who do, you have my silent worship.

I really scanned through my posts and found my first post on this account was on Oct 16th, 2009 3:56am. It’s been a few months but it felt like a year. Thank You EASYJAMES tumblr account for allowing me to vent on you, to write how I feel, to express myself through you. It’s been an amazing ride but now, I feel I am too comfortable with you. Sometimes, comfort is not good anymore. That is why I am saying good bye to this account.

I know I came back to roleplay this summer but I have to keep that be the only link LEFT  I have on roleplay. That is because, starting this June, I will truly dedicate myself in studying for the CATs. I can not afford this kind of distraction (being on roleplay, I mean)

BUT I am making a new tumblr account. Yeah I know. ;( It’s just that I am not even comfortable or confident with my own real life friends that much. So, here’s to a new beginning via tumblr. :))

night and thanks for reading.

NEW ACCOUNT:

crazytimesx.tumblr.com

intensesuspense:

janba-juice:

showmetheloove:(via khangtrieu)

UgHH, i KNow RigHt? SoO FckINg aNnOYIng -_-;

I can’t believe my mom.

I can’t believe that I have been practically BEGGING her to transfer me to a BETTER school since like.. I was a sophomore. I’m an incoming senior.

I took a look at my reviewer today for the ACET & UPCAT, and well, I practically felt like crying my friggin ass off how hard it was. And I told my friend about it, she said, that’s how it really is when you go to a school that doesn’t teach the students anything.

NOW, MY FUCKING FUTURE WILL BE AT STAKE. you happy mom?!

that’s what you get when your fucking daughter will just be a friggin janitress for the rest of her life.

She was like why don’t you believe in yourself?!

I told her, how can I believe in myself after this shit? (course I couldn’t say shit out loud -_-)

We argued AGAIN. Nothing out of the ordinary. I wanna transfer so badly! No one has any idea how awful I feel because of my school. I mean like, my school has gotta be the shitiest school out there.

Our teachers care about us but where is the professionalism in them? They don’t teach us what we have to fucking know. My math? Hell, our teacher stays in one topic per quarter. In my trigo book we’ve only covered like…the first 75 pages of it?! OUT OF 400.

My english teacher doesn’t teach us anything. He lets the boys use the class computer and watch youtube videos DURING HIS CLASS. we watch them for like 45 mins of the time. His entire period. And when he teaches, he’s teaching us about verbs and sentences. like what the hell, is that even still for high school?!

Our PE teacher teaches the same thing to ALL his students. They say, have pity on him cos he’s the only p.e teacher we’ve got. Like what the hell, that’s not an excuse. My entire THREE (going 4) years of being in that school, I have not learned anything new in PE.

MY FILIPINO & MUSIC TEACHER ARE THE WORST. I could not even explain how awful they are. Not like punishing awful but hell, my music teacher doesn’t even enter our class and she freaking fails us!

My filipino teacher doesn’t even help us when needed. Hell, she’s very boring too.

our principal doesn’t know this though. Last school year. the parents complained about the student’s problems and well, she fixed it…til only the 1st quarter!

she doesn’t know what they’re doing. AMAZING.

And what hurts the most, I’ve complained and talked this all thoroughly with my mom yet no avail. wow.

Thinking about this, makes me want to give up. But you know what? i won’t. Because I can not fucking wait to get out of that hell of a school and into a real one. With real standards.

Mom even said it was the best in the city and when I told her, no it isn’t. She was like How would you know?

HOW WOULD I KNOW?! REALLY MOM?! You are so low, It’s funny.

I do not know what other word to describe how awful, regretful I feel for even coming in this sick retarded school. Last summer, I had my ONE LAST CHANCE to transfer. I had my one shot and she  actually agreed that I can but then, she ended up enrolling me into this school again. I hate it. She’s a lying, conniving biatch. UGH asdfhjkgfdfghjkgfghjks

I swear, If i do not get in to ONE school in Manila. ANY school in Manila, I swear I would stop at college. I would quit it all together. I will tell her, this is what you did. This is your fault. don’t fucking blame me anymore because I tried and did my best out there.I give up on my dreams after that. No, I don’t think it’s the end of the world but I REALLY want to shove it in her face as to what she has done. My life is ruined after that anyway. I do not have better chances if i stay here anyway.

One time at dinner she asked me, why do you always talk to Ronald about college?

I answered her honestly, because he inspired me to go for this.

she then asked, sarcastically and mockingly if I may add, why? didn’t I inspire you?!

I looked at her eyes and flatly pointed out, NO.

She was mad at me but I was being honest. She’s just too much. She always thinks she’s right, always thinking she is the reason I am doing this. Oh hell, if she only knew why. If she only knew I want to be away. If she only realized NOW that I am not that 6 year old child who wrote on her autograph book, I want to be like my mom.

because, truth be told, I do not know where that child is now. She’s gone. Disappeared through time probably. Right now, a 15 year old stressed out, expectant teenage girl has taken her place. Thing is, this 15 year old doesn’t want to be like her mom. This 15 year old wants to be someone worthy for herself. This 15 year old has made choices, wherein she doesn’t know whether the choices she made and are making are right or wrong. She’s not that innocent anymore, also. Sadly, she doesn’t miss the 6 year old because she has long accepted that, that time has passed her over and she wants to prove that reality to her mother.

I’m sorry if you think I am overreacting. Tears. I can’t believe they’re falling over this matter. It’s just…so important to me. To be out of this school. To make it somewhere >=’/

laceandhoney:

(via fallenhearts)